


The World Eating Away at My Toes

by MountainMew



Category: Drag-On Dragoon | Drakengard
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 03:45:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5693353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MountainMew/pseuds/MountainMew
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>consider this my remix of Garden of Light because it ruined my life</p>
            </blockquote>





	The World Eating Away at My Toes

**Author's Note:**

> I finished this way, way, WAY back in the beginning of October, but I couldn't really decide if it was worth posting or trashing. I've contemplated tossing it almost a thousand times now, but something about it... I can't help but love it.  
> Eris is the best thing to come out of DOD2. Quite frankly, she's the only decent character in that entire game. Assuming Caim and Angel weren't in the game at all, I think Eris is the only reason I bothered with DOD2.  
> But I still like DOD2 more than 3 so... There's that, I guess?  
> And I fucking love Garden of Light, so I kind of goofed around with it's ideas and made something out of it. I hope you all enjoy! Here's to more Eris fics in the future, I hope?!

  He pets the nape of her neck, gently and rhythmically as she struggles to hold her eyes awake. His movements are soft, quiet, and completely unexpected, but such a moment is too sickly sweet to even feel jealous of. Even still, I can’t keep my heart from wishing for a different outcome.  
  I’ve never felt so selfish in my life.  
  
  I replay the thought over and over in my head as I struggle to pull myself out of bed. The sun is too hot, too bright, and strikes my eye in such a way I can’t see where I’m going. Though I follow the same path every day, I reach for a wall to guide my way. No sooner than I extend a hand out, I lose my balance and fall to what I wish was my death.  
  My body aches, my head hurts, and all I want to do is to lay on the dusty floor until the sun sets. As a knight, I felt I could take on any struggle that found it’s way to me, yet somehow such a measly task as _get out of bed_ is giving me more trouble than the remnants of a war.  
  For him... I had to protect him. I had to be as strong as all the women before me, as strong as a dragon.  
  Even saying it as noble as that, I regret this choice every morning. If the world had ended, I honestly wouldn’t have had a care in the world.  
  For him... If the world ended, I would never see his smiling face again. So I perceiver.  
  
  The day I first met Nowe, he was an absolutely filthy mess. I tried introducing myself, but he couldn’t even find the words to say his name. Perhaps it was then I had felt the need to watch over him, as a knight. It gave me purpose, since I was too young to do more than that much.  
  Though we’re the same age, his simple, dragon raised mind still to this day makes me forget that. Even as an adult, he acted so immature I could slap him. That’s why I have to keep a tight lock on him.  
  To this day, I read his letters intricately, assuring myself he won’t make another mistake like destroying the seals again. He doesn’t have the same powers he had with a dragon as an ally, but something about Nowe worries me. He’s not particularly strong or wise, and yet still in some ways I can’t help but fear him.  
  
  I wonder if things would have been different had Nowe not been left so ignorant. Even as the son of the great General Oror, he was despised. Though I can’t relate, I certainly understood. Even if he was an enemy, would things have been different if he had known anything of our history? If he had known of Manah sooner, perhaps he wouldn’t have...  
  Well, though it hurts to say, he probably would have regardless. Even had he not, Caim was only steps behind them on the same purposeless mission.  
  I wonder if Caim could have achieved the same as Nowe. Perhaps Caim wouldn’t have had the heart to kill the dragon. In that case, I wouldn’t have to suffer.  
  At the thought, I can feel a stiff pain coursing through my body. I can’t stop these selfish desires from creeping into my heart, but the seal hurts all the more when I let such sins in. At this rate, I wonder if I’ll even survive my teen years.  
  I am determined to live, even if it’s only for him.  
  
  To be a knight means to sacrifice everything for the common people. As a Goddess, my task is more or less the same, and at the time I felt my duty taking hold in my decision to become the new Goddess seal. I didn’t have a single heartless thought; not once did I think of the material gifts of life I would be giving up for this task. I long to return to such a time, where I could get through a day thinking of all the smiling faces who can live their blithe lives because of I.  
  I miss being thanked for my good deeds. I miss being congratulated for my performance as a knight. Shameful though it is, at times I even miss watching the suffering of the pathetic remnants of the Empire.  
  The pitiful leftovers of the once grand Empire that Manah had rallied up were just children, and equally as ignorant as their leader. It felt good, setting them straight, far more rewarding than taking down subhuman monsters. Monsters didn’t have the brain to think through their actions, they didn’t think their heathenous acts just.  
  I wonder if, even back before I was born, the Empire had thought they were doing the right thing, or if it had all just been a game strung together by Manah. All for love, was it? What a joke.  
  
  Spending all my day reading, I feel like I should have learned so much of our past. I haven’t learned a damn thing. The books left behind are written with a grandiosity they could only be regarded as fiction, and it’s as though everyone has their own view of the end. What exactly happened all those years ago? Who is even left alive to ask, without a biased memory.  
  Looking back, I can’t even describe the past few years without such a bias. The feelings I can’t let go for Manah reign over anything I could say about the events leading up to this moment.  
  Closing another worthless book, I lean down to pray for the rest of my moments awake. It feels like an eternity had past, but it was surprisingly painless compared to the days prior.  
  
  Though still a regretfully selfish thought, even in prayer, I wonder why this seal must be so painful for I. Even for the dragon, I wish her burden was not so heavy. So she could have lived. Is my seal so painful part of my redemption? For allowing her to suffer so?   
  A sin from all humanity rests on my shoulder, but they can go on with their carefree lives. Why am I the only one who must suffer?  
  
  Out of anger, I smashed a glass vase resting on the table. Looking to my own blood dripping of my finger tips, I force my duties back into my heart above all else. I must become stronger; I am an adult, now. I can’t keep clinging to the past, to what could have been.  
  I am the Goddess, for the people first.  
  
  Though the day was bright, I stayed secluded all day, without even the visit of the Hierarch or my servants. I hadn’t even cleaned off the blood on my hands; though it served a good reminder to who I must be, it felt disgusting as it dried and cracked onto my skin.  
  In my room, the first thing I had noticed was a letter on the bed. Despite my body’s plea for rest, I couldn’t help myself to open it. Only one person ever thought to send letters to me, and I needed his voice to sleep peacefully.  
  It was short, with the handwriting of a child. _The sun is shining_ , he says. _Brighter than I’ve ever seen, so bright even the flowers couldn’t stay in bed. Maybe you didn’t see it, but it was beautiful, like you_. There had been dirt and grass blades smudged into the parchment; I never imagined paper could feel so full of life. I don’t want to die, when all this life is flowing through me, because of me.  
_Have you been outside, recently? It's very warm. I think you would enjoy it, like the times we used to spar outside. You'd always say things like, "It's so warm, Nowe. Aren't you tired?" And I'd laugh it all away. Do you think we could ever spar again?_  
  Once more, I'm reminded of the past Goddess and Caim. I wonder if he spoke to her in passing, if his thoughts gave her life, if even for just one moment. I smile at the thought, that something so simple has eased such pain from coursing through my body. To think that this was enough for all Goddesses who have lived and died in suffering.  
  If Nowe had loved me so dearly, I would continue with this smile on my face, so I could see his again, someday.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment... What if Eris smooched a dragon? Maybe she wouldn't be so salty about Angel...  
> Oh, and yeah, I know Eris wasn't there to see Angel bite the dust, but honestly she should have been. She deserved to see it more than Nowe did, honestly... Fight me Cavia I could make a better DOD2 A MORE ANIME ONE, EVEN!


End file.
